.Embrace.

My entire life I have struggled with embracing myself. The world tells us that we should, all while pumping images in our heads of what a women is to be like and to look like. It's not easy to find confidence and security while trying to find your identity in the world. It's lonely, it's miserable and well frankly it's pretty self-destructing. Oh, and why we care to impress those that don't truly care about us is something I will never quite grasp. I will never begin to understand why many of us measure ourselves with such vain and impossible standards.

I am weeks away from my twenty-seventh birthday, I am married to a wonderful, Godly man and have an absolutely adorable nineteen month old. So this is my declaration for the sake of my sanity and for the betterment of my family; I am giving myself freedom to embrace who I am. '

No, this isn't a post about self-confidence, believing in yourself or anything regarding you in yourself. This is a post about a creator God, who created us in his image. Our God, who is personal, loving and who wants us to love ourselves. Not in who we are in ourselves, but in who we are in him. You are free to love yourself, to love all of you. You are free to feel pretty and do the things that make you feel pretty. The only standard you need to measure yourself is by Christ's and the scripture is pretty clear about how he feels about us.

Things I am committing to:
Not spending hours fixing my hair (maybe for special occasions). I am embracing my natural wavy hair and honestly I have gotten more compliments than ever on my hair. It's nice letting it air dry and putting a little frizz control product and that's it. Seriously. I'm pretty sure my husband loves me being ready super duper fast too. :)

Taking care of myself. It's ok for me to spend money on myself. Really if you think about it, it's selfish not to. Your husband wants you to be pretty, dress pretty and feel pretty. Our confidence makes us more attractive to our husband and mine deserves the best me I can be.

Being happy about me. Because God created me in his image, he wants me. That's something to celebrate all the time.

Go and be beautiful!

Humility: NOT thinking less of yourself; KNOWING that you are nothing without Christ, but everything with him.


Love,
-Crystal Roberts

Messy hair & I'm loving it. 

Struggle, Strife and Surrender

There is so much I struggle with on a daily basis, it truly is sad. From who I am, What I can do or can't to and so many other things that bring me down. I feel like there is so much strife with in me. I constantly battle with the world and who it wants me to be and with my loving savior and who he desires me to be. I compete with everyone and I never am satisfied with anything I do. Sometimes this causes me to go to the opposite extreme and do absolutely nothing.

My husband recently told me the most amazing thing I've ever heard, I don't remember where he read it, but it was this; "If we had no thought of ourselves, we could be in perfect communion with God." These very words have been echoing inside me since I heard them. It was when Adam and Even began to look inward that the disconnect between them and God began. Looking inward caused them to doubt God's word and then led to direct disobedience.

During my quite time I have been reading A.W. Tozer's, "The Pursuit of God", which is so well written and so thought provoking. My recent thoughts have been why the church is the way it is. Why are we so cold of heart? So uncaring, so inactive? Let me bring that closer to home, why am I so uncaring, so inactive? Because really this is not about anyone else but myself. I can't change anyone else, but me. A.W. Tozer said this, "There is something more serious than coldness of heart... It is the veil of our fleshly fallen nature living on unjudged within us, uncrucified and unrepudiated. It is the close-woven veil of self-life which we have never truly acknowledged, of which we have been secretly ashamed, and for these reasons have never brought them to the judgement of the cross." He also said that "we must distinguish between lazy "acceptance" from the real work of God" and that "we must insist on the work being done."

You see I try to be "good", to have all the appearances of being a good and caring human being. I volunteer at local charities enough to say I do it, I donate my photography services and I'm involved in my church. But something seems to still be missing. I have become to realize that I have been OK with lazy "acceptance" and haven't insisted on the work being done. I mean yeah, I've accepted Jesus as my savior. I live my life for him, I don't curse and I'm extremely conservative. So those are all positives. If I looked deep though, I would say that I haven't brought everything to the cross. I say I want to, because I really want to want to. IF that makes since. BUT, my hearts desire; if I were to be completely honest here... is for God just to conform to my will. I know what I want and I want him to just give it to me.

My favorite verse right now:
1 John 5:21 - Little Children, Keep yourselves from Idols.

I know that verse might not seem like it goes with the rest of what I wrote. But, to me it does. I think this is a direct command from God. Even as children we idolize things that we shouldn't. We are taught that it is OK to in a since. We replace the things of God with God. We are so discontent because we have allowed our hearts desire to be things and not loving God and truly knowing him.

Oh, how I wish to be different this year. To not just say I am going to change, but actually do it. So this post is to publicly declare my goals for the upcoming year.

Goals for 2014:
God's will, not mine. In all things and at all times.
Surrender, Surrender, SURRENDER.
Stop fighting a battle that has already been won.
Stop yearning for things and start yearning for Jesus.
Everything else is secondary.

Blessings,
Crystal Roberts

Fences

Not too far from here lies a beautiful church. It is red bricked, with cream columns, a beautiful steeple and fancy rod iron fence. The rod iron fence encloses the church’s entire property and it stays securely locked to prevent anyone unwanted on the property. Directly across that beautiful church is a nice park, with trees that give shade and places for sitting. This nice park isn’t just a park; many homeless people have taken up residence at this park. This park is home to many people who have nothing, literally nothing. This beautiful church lies across the street and it is in the perfect place to reach out, to help and show Christ’s love. However, in place of Christ’s heart is a rod iron fence that is securely locked, keeping out those who we are commanded to love. Matthew 25:40 

This isn’t a bash on that specific church or its people, for I fear that most churches would do the same. I am afraid to believe that many of us, whether physical or figuratively, put up gates and keep “the least of them” out. We go to our comfortable church and sit in our comfortable pews, when church is over we indulge in a meal and family or social gathering. We go home to our comfortable homes, lie down in our comfortable beds and sleep comfortably. We give not a thought of those very one’s we are commanded to love. I say WE, because I include myself in this. I am probably the worst of them, the one who cast judgment and looks the other way. If you don’t do this, if you do love the least of them, than know you are in the minority and I praise the living God for you. I pray to be more like you, to love more like you, to care more like you do.  

I don't have much more to say on this matter. I am left feeling ashamed and speechless. However, I will leave you with this verse to ponder;  

⁴ No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him. 2 Timothy 2:4 (ESV)

Thankful for My Sorrows

If there is anything that I have learned for certain, it is that I much more prefer my life with my rose colored glasses on. I much rather believe that the world we live in is a peaceful and a beautiful place. I much rather believe those things, because in that belief I can continue on living my sweet, happy and very comfortable life.

Comfort. Like waking up in the morning and not wanting to get out of bed, comfortable. Like a hot shower. Like stepping out in the hot sun and feeling it warm your whole body. Like hot coca on a cold, winter day. Like my big fluffy down jacket. Comfort. I crave it. Honestly, it may be one of my top priorities. Not being comfortable can ruin... umm... like everything. Comfort: A word that I am beginning to utterly hate with every fiber of my being.

But anyways, so I'm not sure how most people pray, but for me, most of the time I just talk to God. I talk to him like he is right there by my side. I tell him what he already knows and hope that he might respond with something that makes me feel good about myself. However, I'm pretty convinced that God isn't in the business of making us feel good about ourselves. And I will also tell you that you should be very careful about what you ask God for, because he might give it to you. Yeah. He. So. Did.

It was simple, really. I prayed for God to show me what he wants, for him to open my eyes. I wanted to see the world through his eyes. I wanted to see his people. Have a love for them to some degree as his. His request? To simply take off my rose colored glasses. Yes. I. Did. I took them off. The first thing I felt compelled to do was to get involved in a local orphanage. I did that, my first day I didn't even see a single child and God was rocking my world. Not rocking it in a good way, rocking it in a way where everything you thought you knew starts to crumble in. Rocking it like in a boat, in the middle of the storm and only Jesus can calm it.

Walking in the gathering hall and seeing crosses all over the wall covered in children's hand print. ..."I'm thankful for food" one message said, I'm thankful for my salvation and all that the Lord has done for me", I'm thankful for my many blessing and also my many sorrows", I'm thankful for my life". Children with no family, or not a very nice one. Children who had very little, with thankful hearts. For a moment I pitied them, I felt so sorry that they didn't have a family or a good one. I felt so sorry that they were in the orphanage. But as I continued to read on, my grief quickly dissipates and it turned to shame. You see, I realize that I was the one to be pitied, not them. Not the ones with nothing, but the ones with everything. For I am the rich man who will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. I am not the lowly in spirit, not the meek or the humble. I am proud and arrogant at best. But God is doing a work in me.  He is breaking me down to make me whole and I have never felt more at peace. I don't know if I am ready for what is in store, but I think that is part of true surrender. Not knowing, but being fully aware that God is in total control and trusting his will.

Your sister in Christ,
Crystal Roberts