Comfort. Like waking up in the morning and not wanting to get out of bed, comfortable. Like a hot shower. Like stepping out in the hot sun and feeling it warm your whole body. Like hot coca on a cold, winter day. Like my big fluffy down jacket. Comfort. I crave it. Honestly, it may be one of my top priorities. Not being comfortable can ruin... umm... like everything. Comfort: A word that I am beginning to utterly hate with every fiber of my being.
But anyways, so I'm not sure how most people pray, but for me, most of the time I just talk to God. I talk to him like he is right there by my side. I tell him what he already knows and hope that he might respond with something that makes me feel good about myself. However, I'm pretty convinced that God isn't in the business of making us feel good about ourselves. And I will also tell you that you should be very careful about what you ask God for, because he might give it to you. Yeah. He. So. Did.
It was simple, really. I prayed for God to show me what he wants, for him to open my eyes. I wanted to see the world through his eyes. I wanted to see his people. Have a love for them to some degree as his. His request? To simply take off my rose colored glasses. Yes. I. Did. I took them off. The first thing I felt compelled to do was to get involved in a local orphanage. I did that, my first day I didn't even see a single child and God was rocking my world. Not rocking it in a good way, rocking it in a way where everything you thought you knew starts to crumble in. Rocking it like in a boat, in the middle of the storm and only Jesus can calm it.
Walking in the gathering hall and seeing crosses all over the wall covered in children's hand print. ..."I'm thankful for food" one message said, I'm thankful for my salvation and all that the Lord has done for me", I'm thankful for my many blessing and also my many sorrows", I'm thankful for my life". Children with no family, or not a very nice one. Children who had very little, with thankful hearts. For a moment I pitied them, I felt so sorry that they didn't have a family or a good one. I felt so sorry that they were in the orphanage. But as I continued to read on, my grief quickly dissipates and it turned to shame. You see, I realize that I was the one to be pitied, not them. Not the ones with nothing, but the ones with everything. For I am the rich man who will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. I am not the lowly in spirit, not the meek or the humble. I am proud and arrogant at best. But God is doing a work in me. He is breaking me down to make me whole and I have never felt more at peace. I don't know if I am ready for what is in store, but I think that is part of true surrender. Not knowing, but being fully aware that God is in total control and trusting his will.
Your sister in Christ,
Crystal Roberts
