2012 was the most exciting year yet! I gave birth to me and my husband's first baby boy!! I never knew it was possible to love someone so completely before ever laying eyes on them! I found out in April 2012 that I was 5 weeks pregnant and couldn't of been more excited and a little nervous too! I couldn't believe I was soon going to be responsible for another human being! The feeling was quite overwhelming! I was pregnant for 41 and half weeks and boy did I experience all kinds of emotions! From sheer happiness, to fear and anxiety and sometimes even some sadness! But, God was good through out it all! The one thing he showed me is the importance of prayer and not just prayer but praying the right prayers!
I am very natural and like to eat as much organic as I possibly can! I even go as far as trying to stay away from medicine, if I can help it! I don't even like to take headache medicine! I was bound and determined to have a natural birth and to not take any medicine either! I had essential oils to help me get ready and daily prepared myself for what birth would bring me. On my fortieth week my OB was starting to talk to me about the possibility of being induced and I told her I was in no way going to be induced! Ryker would come when he was ready! So forty one and half weeks later and still not going into labor! My OB informed me that if I didn't go into labor that day she was going to put me in the hospital the next night and induce me. So I poured out my heart to God and asked friends to please pray! I just knew it wasn't God's desire for me to be induced and as the night progressed I began to become angry that I still had not gone into labor! I did everything under the sun to jump start my body into labor and NOTHING worked! I was so upset and didn't understand why?! So I started to doubt my Dr., what if she got his due date wrong? What if he needs to stay in me longer?? What if, what if, what if... driving myself nuts with all the what ifs that had no answer in sight!
So the evening of the next night had came and me and my husband got ready to head to the hospital. I was so upset that I was going to have to be induced. My OB wouldn't let me go any longer because she said that it was dangerous for both me and the baby and I felt I should trust her. At 6:30 PM they started the inducting and by 4am in the morning I was already worn out from being poked and prodded, tired from being checked if I was dilated yet and by how much! I was so tired and rest would not find me. The nurse finally talked me into taking pain meds due to my lack of rest. So at 4am she gave me my first rounds of pain meds and it gave me enough relief to fall asleep for a few hours. At 6:30 am they took the cervidile out of me and the nurse allowed me to take a shower! I always take showers when I'm sad, depressed or experiencing pain. So I took an extremely long shower until the point the nurse was getting upset with me! So 45 mins. later I'm out of the shower and back in my uncomfortable bed to continue the rest of my labor. Every few minutes someone coming in to check my vital signs and to see if I was progressing. Slowly but surly I was dilating a little. As far as the timeline goes from that point on.. I really don't remember. Peter said I was screaming how sorry I am for being a failure. I don't remember saying any of that... but it is true how I felt.
My husband informed me of Ryker and his heart beat and how it was so erratic and dropping so low. I knew that I was going to have to come to terms with a C-Section and how I so did not want that at all! I didn't understand why God would allow everything to go the opposite of how I wanted them. Why? I wanted to do it the right way, the best way and the natural way! Isn't that God's will? That's how he created birth to be and why would he not grant me the desires of my heart? Well we finally made the decision to do a C-Section because of Ryker's heart and after 25 hours of labor I still had not dialted to a 10. After Ryker was here they had to rush him to the NICU because he had a swallowed some fluid and X-rays showed he had a small tear in his lungs.
The next day I woke up crying my eyes out.. I had yet to really see or hold my son and everything that I didn't want to happen, did! Later in the morning my OB came and visited me. She told me about my perineum bone and how it was protruding out too forward and that Ryker would of never been able to come down. That is why I never went into labor, he couldn't get down far enough and without him getting into place, my body would of never received the signal to go into labor. That is also why during the induction he kept moving, he was trying so hard to get down. He knew what he was suppose to do, but couldn't! She said that she only could of found that out through looking inside me. She said I will never be able to give birth naturally, I will always have to have C-sections. I asked her what would of happened in the olden days and she said both me and the baby would of died! WOW! In that moment I realized that God knew exactly what he was doing. He knew what needed to happen to keep me and my baby alive. He isn't finished with me yet and my baby has a purpose. We are both meant to be here! :,) God is good all the time! He gives us not what we want, not even what seems to be best, but he gives us what we need. I now regret being so caught up in not wanting to be induced, being so upset that I didn't bring my camera too the hospital! I have iPhone images to cherish and not good quality images! I missed the story because I was too focused on me. :/
Moral of this story; Trust God always. ALWAYS! :)
Love,