Control - 8.27.13

For the love of Christ controls us...

That is the beginning of 2 Corinthians 5:14 and I haven't been able to read past it. When I think of control, I think of a puppet on strings being controlled by its puppeteer. The puppet can only go where or do what the puppeteer ables it to. Nothing less, nothing more. Every single action must be allowed by the puppeteer or the puppet is immobile.

If you think about it; we are all puppets. We are all being controlled by something or someone. Whether it is success, greed, power, love, hate, a boss, a master, friends or society, we are all persuaded by something. But nothing this world gives, should control us.

Again I repeat; for the love of Christ controls us...

Paul is saying this to the church of Corinth. This is in his second letter and he is imploring the Corinthians to reconcile their relationship with Christ. Corinth was a very pagan city and their immoral behavior was starting to seep into the church. The difference between those outside the church and those inside, was very little. 

The more I delve into this, the more my heart sinks. If I am a believer in Christ, his love should control me. Am I as the people of the church of Corinth? Can people see any difference in me? Most of the time I think one hand is on the Bible and the other wrapped around my American dream. Being tugged. To-and-fro. 

A third time; for the love of Christ controls us...

I can't stop saying it in my mind. Christ's love should control me; every act, every thought, every word, everything should be a direct reflection of Christ. If he is controlling me. No matter what comes my way; I respond with Christ's love. I am wronged; Christ's love. 

The last time; for the love of Christ controls us...

I have given my life to Christ | so He is my master | I am his puppet | Everything I do = Crystal Christ

I've got a long ways to go... 

/crystal/

Seeing What is in Front of You - 8.20.13

I don't share very often, actually really never at all. Unless you are family and even then, it's rare. But God has been putting on my heart to share and well this is the only forum I feel bold enough to do so. So here I am, sitting, pondering what to share. As if I have something of worth to pass on to you, something that might be of value. All I really can share is the things that God deals with me about. He deals with me a lot, more often then I really want him to. Honestly, some days I would be fine if he would just leave me alone. But, then I shutter to think what that might actually be like and I repent for thinking what I previously thought. Thankfully God doesn't do what we want, thankfully he has his own agenda.

 I will start off by saying that I am not eloquent with my words and my sentences aren't always grammatically correct. I love exclamation points (working on not using them so much) and commas are my worst enemy. So forgive me now and have mercy while reading into my heart. My heart has always been a secret place and very few people have been allowed access. But, at some point in our christian lives, we must open ourselves up. We must be willing to pour ourselves out for God to have the ability to fill us with him. So this is the beginning of me pouring myself out, hoping to be filled by a mighty God.

The past few months I have been praying for God to open the doors up for me to do more, share more, be bigger, better, expand his kingdom more, just more and more. It isn't a bad prayer, right?!?! It really isn't and I felt good that I was praying it. I mean asking God to give you the ability to do more is great, right?! But when he actually speaks to you and calls you it gets a little different.

You see I've never been satisfied with being Crystal Roberts, I'd rather be a Beth Moore, Katie Davis or someone of that caliber. But, me? I'm just this little stay at home mom, wife, homemaker, church goer and a small time photographer. Nothing too special or worth documenting into history. Transitioning into a stay at home mom is probably the hardest thing I've dealt with in a while. Staying at home has this way of making me feel so unworthy and not bringing a paycheck home kills my ego. I still get embarrassed when people ask me what I do, because I don't have some fancy job title. But I know God called me to stay home and I have no doubts about that.

So I'm praying for him to give me more responsibility, when I'm not even satisfied with what I have. God spoke that so loud to me while I was sitting in my living room, praying to be able to do more for him. Breaking down into tears, I became still. I was folding clothes and I put my garment down. I just starred at my home, my son, thinking of Peter working so hard for us and it broke my heart.  God so clearly spoke to me in that moment of stillness these very words; "Crystal, why would I give you more responsibility, when you aren't doing what I've called you to do with a joyful heart now." I had no response, nothing to say back. No excuse, no words, nothing filled my thoughts. Just silence. Dead. Awful. Silence. My heart mourned.

I finally began to realize and accept what my calling is. I have a great duty to raise a Godly, honest, honorable, noble and dependable son, bring comfort to my husband and manage my household. This is a huge task and a enormous honor. This is my duty now. But, God has much more in store for me! He is changing my heart, my perspective and making me into the woman I will need to be, when he calls me to more. More, he will call of me and more I will be willing to give.

I'm in love with a mighty God who disciplines those who love him and I'm so in love with what is in front of me.

Your sister in Christ,
Crystal Roberts